Too Much

For most of my life I survived by denying myself for fear of being labeled. Too difficult. Too Stubborn. Too Sensitive. Too Much.

Those words followed me like shadows- spoken by my mother, echoed by my husband, reinforced in workplaces and partnerships. I internalized them believing that in order to be loved, to be accepted, to be chosen, or respected, I needed to shrink.

So I denied my authenticity. I silenced my truth. I rejected my voice. I softened my no's into reluctantly yes's. I played the role of compliance to avoid the sting of rejection. But, I've come to see the cost of that denial. Suppression doesn't erase the truth- it only shakes it up inside, like a bottle of soda rattled again and again. And eventually, I would erupt. Not because I was "emotional" or "irrational," but because I rejected and suppressed myself for too long. The explosion was my soul's rebellion against being caged.

I realize now: I am not too much. The problem has never been my voice, my fire or my strength. The problem is environments and relationships that sought to consume my power without respecting it.

Time after time, people were drawn to me by my essence, my beauty, my light. They wanted it, but not to honor it. They wanted to manipulate it, to bend it to their will, to make me conform. And when I refused, conflict would erupt. Not because I was unworthy of love, but because I ws unwilling to trade my freedom for approval.

This is the pattern I now name with clarity: the difference between union and conformity.

Conformity is about control. It says: "This is what we're doing-fall in line." Union is about respect. It says: "Come bring all of you. Let's build together.

Conformity consumes. Union collaborates. Conformity silences. Union listens. Conformity cages. Union frees.

I no longer want love that requires my silence. I no longer want workplaces or relationships that demand my compliance instead of honoring my contribution. I don't want conformity masquerading as love. I want partnership. I want union.

In true partnership, my no is not a threat-it is sacred. My yes is not coerced-its is celebrated. My voice isn't tolerated-it is valued. Respect looks like being invited into the process: decision making, vision building, family structuring. It's about both voices carrying weight.

And this truth extends beyond romance. It's in work, friendships, even family. For so long, I thought I had to twist myself into acceptability, even with my mom, just to avoid the label of "too much." But God did not make me to conform. He made me to carry power, to walk in freedom, and to be honored for who I am- not for who someone else wants me to become.

So here is my declaration: I am not too much. I am not too difficult. I am not a problem to be solved. I am a woman who deserves union, not conformity. Respect not consumption. Partnership, not control.

And I will not deny myself anymore.