I'm letting go

I ache.

My chest is tight, and my stomach is in knots. My body and my spirit knows, but my mind refuses to accept. I know you think you have to protect me, I understand, really I do. You have been present my entire life! Through abandonment, rejection, divorce and homelessness, you were there. But where I am going next, you can't go, you are not equipped. You have taken me as far as you can possibly go, Maria, and now I am letting you go.

Before I go, I have to say thank you! It was your strength that helped me navigate through traumas, and broken hearts. With your faith you helped me raise beautiful children and remain steadfast with our relationship to our Father, Yahweh. Your endurance is inspiring and brought us to this threshold. Maria, you were dealt a hand not many people could have held. You cried many nights with no embrace or no one to console you. I don't know too many people who could grow stronger, wiser and more loving without resentment. Somehow you did. Through the lens of brokenness you managed to love more, forgive more and maintain your strength. You could have made excuses and gave up, as a matter of fact you tried many times. But you knew the whole time you were only created from trauma. You knew there was more to who you are and because of this you persisted. You knew the real you was lying dormant. You could see her, you helped me to see her. What we saw was far off in the distance but it didn't stop you. It is because of your mustard seed faith she has arrived.

This is not easy, so I grieve you, Maria. You were all I knew. You brought me so much comfort and protection, but now I have to rely and trust in what we envisioned. So, I let you go in peace. I release you with the highest level of love, compassion and respect. With this final embrace I am overwhelmed with gratitude. As we release one another with fear and trembling, trust me when I say I know how to love and be loved. You can trust that I speak up for myself and I am highly protected. With one last look back know that I am walking toward the life we created and the life we always hoped for. It's safe now to let go.

The threshold is at my feet indicating it's time to embrace her. She is Devine. She is eager to explore and operate in her new gifts. I can see her. It's time to step into the fullness of Moriyah.